Mossley 2 - 1 Garforth Town

Ideally I would have liked this posting to have been longer but as I've forgotten how to do match reports on games that we've won, I'm afraid that the following is going to have to suffice.


As the sun starts to set on the 07/08 season, it turns out that victories are a lot like buses for Mossley in that you wait an age for one and suddenly two turn up at once.

After finally putting any remaining relegation worries behind them with their first win in six games at Bridlington last Saturday, the Lilywhites followed it up with a hard fought but ultimately merited victory over Garforth Town.

The first real shot in anger came in the 23rd minute from Mossley's David Boardman and not only did it force the Town keeper into making a good save but it kicked a moribund, atypical end of season affair into life as well. And Boardman was to have a hand (or rather foot) in all of home sides better opportunities that followed before he finally put the Lilywhites deservedly ahead five minutes from the interval.

Picking up the ball just outside the Garforth penalty from Michael Fish's pass, Boardman's first touch took him away from his marker before powering a low shot past Town keeper Phillips with his second.

He shoots...

... he scores! David Boardman puts Mossley ahead.

Or if still images aren't good enough for you, you can watch the goal in real time here:


The early stages of the second half saw the visitors finally take a more proactive approach towards getting something from the game by putting their hosts under their first sustained spell of pressure. Apart from two Mark Piper shots both expertly dealt with by Ashley Connor though, the Lilywhites' lead rarely looked in any danger. So much so that when Leon Henry scored his first goal for Mossley in the 71st minute by floating the ball over the despairing dive of Phillips from 20+ yard, the taking of the three points on offer looked like a formality.

Leon Henry makes it 2 - 0 with a very well taken goal:


Mossley being Mossley though, it wasn't to be that straight forward. Twelve minutes away from keeping their first clean sheet in nearly five months, Piper exploited a rare lack of concentration on the night from the home defence to lose his marker at a corner and head the dead ball kick past Connor. As well as being a relatively soft goal to concede and giving the visitors an unexpected lifeline, it also had the unwanted distinction of being the hundredth conceded by Mossley in the league during the 07/08 campaign.

The 100th goal of the league campaign to enter Mossley's net, er... enters Mossley's net:


Somewhat inevitably this lead to a few nervy moments for the home side in the closing stages of the game, particularly in the five minutes of extra time that were added on when the Yorkshire side fired off more shots than they had done in the previous ninety minutes. Thankfully though none of them went close to unduly worrying Ashley Connor and the Lilywhites lead remained intact when the final whistle eventually sounded.


It might not have been the greatest game in the world but it was an enjoyable one nonetheless and, along with the previous result, goes someway towards helping Mossley's troubled season end on a high, albeit a low high.

It was also nice to finally get one over Garforth too. Its the third time I've seen them this season and I can only assume that their self declared comparison with Brazilian football is some kind of ironic joke being played on non-league football. The only thing South American about them is that it's where some of their forward passes and regular clearances may come close to landing in the near future.

After more poor games than I care to remember it was a refreshing and welcome change to see Mossley recapture some of their early season form in this game. It may be too little too late to stop this campaign from being something other than a disappointment but I'll take what little there is as a seed with the potential to grow into bigger and better things.

And on that healthy and rare note of optimism on Mossley80, I'll end the report and let you get on with something else much more interesting such as watching this.

Again And Again And Again...

As I did a preview for the initial staging of this rearranged fixture ten days ago, I’m not feeling the slightest bit compelled to write a new one. Call it laziness if you want, I call it running out things to say about Garforth at the fourth time of asking.

What I will say is that since writing this Mossley have finally won their second game of 2008 while Simon Clifford’s side haven't won for four matches.

Mossley also have to survive 180 minutes of football without conceding a goal if they’re not to see the figure of 100 appear in their ‘goals against’ column; no mean feat considering that it has been 23 games since we’ve kept a clean sheet.

The picture on the left is the only visual representation I can think of for 99 other than some red balloons. Just be thankful we weren’t stuck on 69...

Prediction: No change from what I wrote a week last Friday – a win for Mossley.

Bridlington Town 2 - 3 Mossley

See, I told you!

Not only did Mossley register their long time coming second win of 2008, but they also claimed their first win on Yorkshire soil this season and, in doing so, ensured that the club would still have its Unibond status for the start of the new campaign. At least that is if the club is still in exisistence come August.

As well as avoiding the possibility of finishing rock bottom of the First Division North, the 3-2 victory over Bridlington Town at the windswept Queensgate Stadium (at least I'm guessing it was a tad breezy) also means that we can't finish second bottom either. Who said that this was a disappointing season?

In the end it was two goals from Martin Allison and a 61st minute winner from Paul Garvey that ensured that Mossley will start the 08/09 season with at least two wins under their belts since the year was rung in.

Whilst having bored everyone in the build-up to this match with tales of how this was a nailed on three points, the final scoreline was something of a surprise; mainly because when I rang up Bridlington at half-time to find out the score, the combination of a crackly line and the Tameside Stadium's overly loud P.A.system had lead me to believe that we were 3 - 0 down!

Yes, instead of braving the elements sweeping in off the North Sea, I was shivering myself silly at Curzon's bitterly cold home on Ashton. Which was surprising really as places with as much sand as Curzon had on their pitch tend to be a lot, lot warmer.

The Sahara encroaches onto the Tameside Stadium playing surface

I could go into great detail about the clash (rather too literally at times) between the Blues and, the not Blues for the day, Clitheroe but as I don't really want to I'll keep it short and say that this was a great game of football. Goals, countless talking points and more ex-Mossley players than you could shake a stick at - it certainly made a refreshing change to be at an exciting match on a Saturday afternoon. As someone pointed out as the game neared its climax, it's hard to believe that Mossley are actually in the same division as the sides that fought out an entertaining 2 - 2 draw.

Gary Lowe's scarf is not available to buy in the club shop.

It was also interesting to see, or rather hear, that the playing of "I feel good" after Curzon score isn't as bad as things get. If it's Norton that scores the goal, the crowd also get a brief burst of the opening verse of Toni Basil's seminal 1980's hit 'Hey Micky', an act which registers a high 8.7 on the Camp-ometer. What next? A brief snatch of "Favourite Things" from The Sound of Music when Josh Mitten scores?

So instead of reading about the game you can, in a first for this blog, watch selected highlights of it. See four well taken goals, witness some tough tackles, observe a slightly embarrassing miss and, most of all, be amazed at Curzon's incredible tumbling Spaniard*:


* As always - be careful as it contains some particularly off colour language.

Beside The Sea

Well here it is, our last away day of the season. And it's one that sees Mossley making the longish trip to the North Yorkshire coast to face Bridlington Town for the latest installment in the saga of who's going finishes the closest to Woodley Sports come the end of the month.

A scene from our last visit to the Queensgate Stadium. Clicking the picture will take you to a bigger, yet much grainier, version of it.

Like Ossett in our previous match, we enter the third game of the season against our opponents with both sides having picked up a victory apiece in the previous two games. The Lilywhites won the first encounter 2 – 1 at the tail end of 2007 (little knowing that it was to be our last win for two and a half months) while the second meeting last month wasn’t quite as close - Bridlington inflicting a slightly embarrassing 5 – 2 home defeat on us.

If you scroll down this page (or click the relevant link in the side bar – it should be obvious which one) you’ll find an overview of Bridlington’s recent match with Woodley Sports. If you can’t be bothered (which I assume will be everybody reading this) what it basically says is that Brid are a nice passing side with a fair amount of creative players spread amongst their line-up.

Happily for Mossley however, their major failing appears to be in front of goal where they appear to possess all the incisiveness and eye for goal of... well, us really. Granted, it’s an opinion formed on the basis of just this one match but as such trifling matters like that don’t stop professional pundits, so it’ll not stop me either.

Prediction: As I'm not going, a nailed on win for Mossley. Something which I hope will be confirmed in the numerous calls to Bridlington I'll be making from the Tameside sand trap this Saturday, where I'll be watching Clitheroe put a further dent in Curzon's title aspirations.

Ossett Albion 2 - 1 Mossley

The problem with writing official match reports is that they're often quite mundane and characterless. This is because they come under close scrutiny from the league who have a zero tolerance approach to the criticism of players and officials. It's a stance which is entirely understandable given the number of people who are quick to blame everyone else other than their own teams failings.

Sometimes though they have to be criticised so in order to get around this unspoken rule euphemisms have to be used. For instance 'hot headed' is used to describe a centre half who's a borderline psychopath and 'rash challenge' to illustrate a tackle that away from the football pitch would be classified as aggravated assault. When it comes bad officials, you'll often see the word 'controversial' liberally applied or one of its many synonyms used instead.

With that out of the way it's on to the match report itself, and apropos of nothing in particular, Mossley crashed to a sixth successive defeat in a game that will long be remembered for a series of extremely controversial decisions rather than the football played.

(See, that long preamble wasn't for no good reason at all. I don't just chuck these things together willy-nilly you know)

As this isn't the official match report though I'll quite happily tell you that some of the officiating in this game was absolutely appalling, culminating in two dismissals that turned what should have been a good finish to a game of football ended into something approaching a West End farce.

Regular readers will know I'm not one for criticising officials in these things as you tend to find that no matter how strange and aggravating some decisions are, they're rarely the sole reason for a defeat. Suffice to say however, if the paths of Mossley and the referee in this game never cross again it will be a hundred years too soon. More about those decisions later.

The match started like so many others have done recently with Mossley under pressure right from the kick off, and it took their opponents no more than three minutes to put the ball in the back of Ashley Connor's net; Kelsey taking advantage of some non-existent marking to control and power home a right wing cross from just outside the corner of the six yard box.

Ossett's second arrived in a similar fashion seventeen minutes later, Kelsey this time turning provider with a low cross from the left wing which Catton tapped home from close range under no pressure.

S-s-s-s-s-scramble!

Both goals sandwiched a host of other openings and opportunities that presented themselves to the home side and to be brutally honest we could have easily been four or five goals down before the midway point of the first half had been reached. However, just when it appeared that it was going to be another match that had the Mossley supporters wishing they'd brought their abacuses to keep a tally of the score, something unexpected happened. Not only did the visitors stem the flow of Ossett attacks but they began to look the better side.

Chances slowly started to present themselves to the Lilywhites as play became increasingly confined to the half the Albion were defending. Gareth Hamlet, Paul Garvey and David Boardman all went close to reducing the deficit as their once confident opponents began to wobble ever so slightly.

With time running out in the opening period it looked like Mossley weren't going to get the reward their belated efforts warranted but right on the stroke of half time they halved the arrears. Picking up the ball after his shot rebounded off the post, Paul Garvey laid the ball back to Daryl Weston on the right hand side of the Albion box. The Lilywhites full back then fired in a looping cross directly onto the head of Gareth Hamlet, who in turn directed the ball past the outstretched arm of the Ossett goalkeeper.

The second half began with Kelsey flashing the ball across the face of Mossley's goal, but the longer the match wore on, the more the visitors began to exert a tighter grip on the game. However the increase in possession failed to translate into an increase in shots on Albion's goal. With this in mind it's hard to argue that Mossley would have definitely salvaged the game had the following events not happened but it does make for an interesting "What if?"

Yes, you've reached that point in the report where it's time to talk about those disputable decisions I alluded to earlier.

In the 71st minute Daryl Weston was shown a straight red for an innocuous looking tackle on the halfway line. Not only did he win the ball, he did so without coming close to touching his opponent yet the referee couldn't get his card out fast enough to send him from the pitch. He was then immediately followed by manager Gerry Quinn for vehemently displaying his disbelief at the decision to the referee. A disbelief that appeared to be equally shared by the Ossett players and management.

Ten minutes later things went from the crazy to the utterly ludicrous. Gareth Hamlet became the second Mossley player to be issued with his marching orders after receiving a second yellow card for the strength of his protestations at the awarding of his first booking. There's no excuse for dissent but his reaction was somewhat understandable considering that he'd initially been cautioned for a volley of verbal abuse that had been directed at a linesman by an Ossett player.

It was at this point, with the game slowly slipping into the realms of the bizarre that I wondered if we weren't being set-up for one of those hidden camera TV shows; the kind were a celebrity whose status is defined by a letter at the bottom end of the alphabet suddenly appears and tells you that it was all a joke. Sadly, as Gareth Hamlet was 'helped' off the pitch by a contingent who hadn't been sent from the visitors bench, it was all to real.


Despite being at a numerical disadvantage for the closing stages of the game it was Mossley that finished the match in the ascendency, so much so that for the final ten minutes the crowd were treated to the sight of a team with ambitions of making the play-offs, playing for time against nine men. Sadly the lack of a decent final ball when they got into dangerous areas meant that a famous comeback remained elusively out of reach.

Now that the dust has settled on the events at the Queens Terrace ground, the fact remains that, unlucky or not, it's yet another defeat for Mossley. Even though it was one of the better performances we've seen in recent times but with the news that relegation is once again back on the agenda for one unlucky club, we need the win that will make us mathematically safe.

Admittedly, after having seen them play recently, it's highly unlikely that Woodley will get the seven points needed to go above us (even if they had fifteen games left let alone three) but it would be nice to see Mossley cement their place in the Unibond without relying on the continuing misfortunes of our near neighbours.

Only Four More To Go...

It’s to Yorkshire we head once more as the penultimate away fixture of the season sees us make the relatively short hop once again to Ossett.

Thanks to the ludicrous set-up of the league this season, this will be our third league meeting with the town’s lower ranked team. Honours from the previous two games are evenly shared with both sides winning their respective home games. The aggregate score from these meetings currently stand at 5 – 5 though Mossley are winning on the away goals rule.

The last match at Dimple Wells saw the home side run out 4 – 2 winners. Hopefully the scorer of Osset’s first goal on that night will be able to repeat the feat again this time around seeing as he now plays for us; the ‘he’ in question being David Boardman.

A run of eight games without defeat has taken our opponents to sixth position but they need a win to keep their still faint hopes of playing at least one extra game at the end of the season alive. Mossley on the other hand just need a win – be it scrappy, fortuitous or deserved. To be honest a draw would do and even a 1 – 0 defeat would be a sign of improvement.

Prediction: As always with Mossley – expect the unexpected. So with no-one expecting us to win that’s just what we’ll do, leading to three very welcome points heading back to Seel Park.

Woodley S 1 - 1 Bridlington Town

The inevitable postponement of Mossley's penultimate home match of the season after almost twelve hours of non-stop rain, snow and sleet gave a handful of Mossley supporters the chance to see two of the Lilywhites opponents in the race for the wooden spoon battle it out.

Woodley vs. Bridlington - packing them in.

When Woodley took the lead in the 66th minute is was a tad against the run of play and by that I mean it was a travesty. Up till that point Bridlington had been the only side on show that looked like scoring. That they weren't the four or five goals ahead that they deserved to be was down to one thing - a complete inability to put the ball into the back of the net. If it wasn't for plastic grass you could have sworn you were at Seel Park.

So not only was Woodley's goal against the run of play, it was with their first real shot as well. The Bridlington keeper did well to turn a long range free kick onto the crossbar but whilst his teammates stood around thinking "Blimey, that was close", Farrell knocked home the loose ball before embarking on a celebration not befitting someone who's just scored a tap-in. As you can see for yourself:


The destination of the three points looked to have been sealed not long after when Town's tricky little left winger was quite rightly shown the red card for abusing the match official. He did have something of a point though in his exclamation of tosspot as the referee, for the second time in the game, had allowed play to continue despite an incredibly blatant foul committed on the edge of the Woodley box.

With time running out Town got their first bit of luck in the match. A harmless looking cross looked to have been headed clear by one of the two Woodley centre halves, only for the ball to bounce off the back of his central defensive partners head and fly into the net. A moment of pure comedy that I rather frustratingly failed to get any footage of.

A typical scene from this game: Town on the attack with the wounded in the background.

Before the match the consensus was that the best result for Mossley would be a Bridlington win but with Radcliffe's surprise victory at Skelmersdale, a draw turned out to be the better outcome.

I'll admit that there was some hesitation about attending this match as the previous games I've seen involving Woodley this year as a neutral have been poor. It was therefore something of a surprise to not only be entertained but witness the best game of football I've seen in well over a month. It would have been nice if that accolade had fallen to a match involving Mossley but you can't have everything.

A scene that didn't fail to emit a few comments from the small band of Mossley fans in attendance. Including an unrepeatable one about a refrigerator and a piece of meat.

Woodley have seen quite a few changes since their previous manager left. Not only is their not one recognisable face on their team, they also have a, how should I put it diplomatically, certain gusto in their approach to tackling. But least they're attempting to marry that steeliness with some decent passing football, a world away from the neck aching long ball of the previous regime.

As for Bridlington, a draw was the least they deserved from the match. Their approach play was excellent but their astonishing knack of wasting glorious chance after glorious chance is something that I hope they carry into next weeks game with Mossley. If we can find our shooting boots I think there's a good chance we could be in line for a point or three.

A rare moment caught for posterity: a Bridlington shot on target during the match against Woodley (ultimately ruled out for offside).

Coming Up: A Mossley Win

The silky Brazilian skills of Garforth Town (no, I couldn’t type that with a straight face) make their second appearance of the season at Seel Park this coming Saturday, as Mossley make another attempt to reverse their poor run of form.

And do you know what? I think we’ll do it. Of course there has to be a reason for such optimism and I'll explain why later.

Garforth are something of a paradox. If you click on their web site you’ll be bombarded with content detailing how they play football the right way, with skill and flair - "samba football". A quick glance at the fair play table tells a different story though. While it’s true to say that some referee’s may be over zealous with their officiating, you don’t find yourself second in the leagues bad boy table through sheer bad luck.
Across the various club forums of the Unibond North Town's 'rough and ready' approach has been heavily criticised, procuring them the kind of reputation that that would get Don King itching to represent them.

The Yorkshire side have already beaten us once this season, in the first game in fact, and were a hairs breadth away from beating us again back in November. It needed a last minute penalty scored by Danny Toronczak to rescue a point for the Lilywhites in a game that, for three quarters of it at least, Garforth never looked like losing.

Our opponents-to-be's league position of 8th may get some people fretting about the outcome of the match but appearances can be deceptive. While Simon Clifford's side may sit in the outer fringes of a play-off spot, the Miners are currently on a run of three games without a win - just like we are. Taking only away games into consideration they're four games without a win - erm, just like we are. Plus they haven't scored in the last two of those away games - we have! Ergo we'll win

Yes I know we're playing at home and we last kept a clean sheet 21 matches ago but its a straw and I'm going to clutch at it.

Prediction: As I’ve said already – a win, and a much needed win at that, for Mossley. Along with a considerable number of yellow cards being flashed in our opponents direction. And as well as a third consecutive sentence beginning with the letter 'a', here's another prediction: Mossley's goals against column in the league won't tick into three figures.

Now I'm off to get treatment for the heavy blow I received to the head prior to writing this preview.

Mossley 0 - 4 Harrogate R.A.

Before I begin, let me emit a hearty sigh, ... , that's better.

With the unofficial news last week that there will be no relegation from the Unibond First Division North due to Newcastle Blue Star's decision to withdraw from the league, the possibility of Mossley's season going from bad to catastrophic looks unlikely to come to fruition.

It still however remains on course to go from bad to worse to even worse; the latest stop on that journey being a crushing 4 - 0 defeat at home to the team immediately above them in the table. A scoreline that Mossley could have no complaints about even if Harrogate's winning margin had been double what it was at the end of the match.


The visitors first goal in the 20th minute came as little surprise as they'd spent the majority of the preceding 19 minutes peppering the Park End goal Mossley were defending with shots. A move down Mossley's right hand side looked to have come to nothing when two Harrogate players got in each others way attempting to control ball. With no challenges forthcoming from the home defence though, they were able to untangle themselves and Carl Fox was allowed the time to turn on the edge of the box and fire a shot past Ashley Connor.

Mossley finally managed to break the almost incessant cycle of Harrogate attacks just after the half hour mark and with their one notable move of the half they put the ball in the back of their opponents net. Unfortunately the finishing touch applied by Gareth Hamlet was done so from an offside position, and with the goal ruled out 'normal service' resumed.

Just one video for your viewing 'pleasure' this week – Mossley's disallowed goal:

Just when it looked though like Mossley would make it to the interval only a goal in arrears, Railway doubled their lead. In the final minute of the half Scott Ryan took advantage of the inordinate being afforded to him to cut in from the left hand touchline and slip the ball under Connor. There was still time left in the half as well for Harrogate themselves to have a goal ruled out for offside.

The terraces weren't awash with much optimism at the start of the second period that Mossley could claw their way back into the game. What little there was though was pinned on the hope that with the wind at their backs, the Lilywhites would pose more of a threat as an attacking force. And whilst it's true to say that they enjoyed more possession than they had done in the opening half, there was little constructive done with it. In fact it wasn't until the 67th minute that Harrogate's keeper into action for the first time, Tom Morgan dropping low to his right to keep out a header from David Boardman.


Harrogate's response was to almost immediately break up field and with little in the way of a defence to stop him, Matthew James killed off Mossley's lingering hopes of salvaging anything from the match by netting his sides third.

Bizarrely this appeared to be the cue for Mossley to embark on their best spell of the game and for the first time in the match they actually made their opponents sweat a little. Lee Blackshaw almost pulled a goal back with a terrific shot that hammered off the underside of the cross bar and a long range effort by Leon Henry was plucked out of the air by Morgan. The brief attempt at a revival came to an end when Harrogate once again caught Mossley flat footed at the back and a strike from substitute Chris Rosindale took his sides total to four and the number of goals conceded by the Lilywhites in all competitions this season into three figures.

The remainder of the game was almost exclusively played out in the Mossley half of the field and if not for some more fine saves by Connor and a goal line clearance by Danny Ryan, the eventual result would have been even more emphatic.

Apart from the continued efforts of a few players and the return to action of Paul Garvey after a long injury lay off, the only positive to be taken from the game, other than that the margin of defeat being only four goals, is that what has been a wretched second half of the season is ninety minutes nearer finishing.


I don't think it would take more than two guesses to work out the kind of enthusiasm with which I approached the writing of this match report. I mean, how on earth do you put a new a spin on the latest in a long line of capitulations stretching back to the start of the year?

But for some good goalkeeping and some less than accurate finishing (I really should assign a keyboard shortcut to that phrase given the number of times I've used it this season) we would have been on the end of a much heavier, and frankly more realistic, defeat. The problems in this game were the same as the ones in the last match, the one before that and so on, so I hope you don't mind if I don't repeat myself for the umpteenth since the end of 2007.

A photograph of some snow taken during the second half. Why? Because there was little worth snapping on the pitch.

While it's true that we're still lucky to have a club at all to support this season following our mid-season dalliance with oblivion, the truth is that more results and performances like this one will only bring the wolves to the door once more as interest among those still bothering to attend dwindles further.

The saddest aspect of this match is that despite the low attendance, there were a few faces amongst the crowd that haven't been Seel Park for quite a while. And following the display they witnessed I'll wager that it'll be some time before we see them again.

As it stands we now have four games left in this campaign to reclaim a bit of pride and build a springboard into next season. Can we do it? Eternal optimists and those who believe five points out of forty eight is merely an unavoidable blip will say yes. But I'm confident they'd baulk from putting money on it.

Oh well, I'm sure it will be better next week when Garforth Town show up.

Overcrowding Not Expected

All five of Mossley's final games this season are against clubs from the White Rose county and they begin with the arrival of Harrogate Railway Athletic this Saturday.

This will be our third league meeting with Railway in the 07/08 campaign and the Yorkshire sides first ever visit to the hilltop away side only points dispenser fortress that is Seel Park.

The first match saw both sides share the points in a 1 - 1 draw, but it was different outcome in January when it was only a succession of poor finishing by numerous Harrogate players that stopped the Yorkshire club from racking up a more convincing win than the 2 - 1 scoreline they ended up with.

Harrogate's recent form has been up and down whist ours has mostly been the latter. That said, Railway still remain one of the few clubs we can realistically hope of overtaking in the pursuit of a better league position come the end of April.

Prediction: We've drawn with them once this season, we've lost to them once this season. The third game will see us complete the set with a win. Trust me - I'm right about this one.

Tumbleweed Wednesday

No midweek football means that, once again, I'm relying on the work of others to to keep the blog ticking over by listing a few links that you may find interesting.

It's no secret that Mossley are having a few problems on the pitch at the moment, particularly in regards to scoring and defending them. Thankfully though it hasn't got quite this bad:





Laurel and Hardy were great weren't they? There wasn't an occupation that was around in the early part of the last century that they couldn't mine for comedy - boat painters, car mechanics, piano movers and, memorably, the Foreign Legion.

One notable exception though was firefighting but now, thanks to two US firemen (albeit unwittingly), you can get a taster of what it would have been like had Hal Roach allowed Stan and Ollie to make a film that would probably have had 'blaze' in the title:



Have you ever bought some food purely on how it looks on the packet, only to find out that what's inside the packaging doesn't even come close to resembling the on the front? Well you're not alone (presuming you answered yes) because someone has gone to the trouble of detailing the discrepancies with photographs: Advertising vs Reality

My particular favourite is Grunkhol (about a third of the way down the page) as instead of a plate of food, it looks suspiciously like a grass verge that's popular with the local canine community.

Finally, a financial forum may be one of the last places you'd think of visiting for a really good laugh but I highly recommend reading this thread at MoneySavings Expert.com, as it details a fraud victims dealings with debt collection agency Debitas. Particular highlights from the many phone transcripts with call centre staff listed include the aforementioned victim pretending to be god and, in one inspired exchange, to have travelled two months back in time.

Hopefully there are one two things here that will keep you occupied for a few minutes while we await the arrival of Harrogate Railway Athletic.

Newcastle Blue Star 5 - 1 Mossley

Five points out of forty two became five out of forty five as Mossley's end of season blow-out continued in yet another goal pummelling fashion at Newcastle Blue Star.

Thankfully I wasn’t on Tyneside to see it and as a consequence there’ll be no match report for this game. What I can tell you about it though is that Gareth Hamlet cancelled out Blue Star’s 6th minute opener on the half hour mark before things went downhill for the Lilywhites faster than a greased up Franz Klammer on jet powered skis.

I'm not going to repeat the text I got when Mossley went 4 -1 down but suffice to say, it wasn't from a spectator happy with the ninety minutes that were breaking up a five hour plus round trip.

The five goals knocked past Mossley by Blue Star takes the total in the goals against column to just nine short of the century. Of course it's a target you hope you never ever hit but I will admit that there's a hundredth of a percentage of me masochistically hoping that it's reached, purely so that I can strike it off the list of things I’ve experienced whilst watching Mossley; a list that includes items such as 100 goals for (done) and the Lilywhites hitting double figures for the first time ever in a game (something that will probably forever remain without a tick next to it).

To keep the five motif that’s running through this piece going, it’s the number of games remaining for Mossley in a season that’s falling apart faster than a leper on a bungee jump. It would be nice to salvage a bit of pride before the curtain’s drawn over this campaign but who knows what will happen? This is Mossley remember where, like Thunderbirds, anything can happen in the next half hour.

And the fourteen left after that.

Following Yonder Star

Mossley see out March with their longest trip of the season for their first (and possibly last) ever visit to the Kingston Park Ground - home of Newcastle Falcons rugby union club. Oh yes, and Newcastle Blue Star play there as well.

That said we may have done better against the egg chasers. After all [sarcasm] the backbone of their game seems to be kicking the ball out of play as often as possible as well as over the bar [/sarcasm]. Only joking everyone!

As most of you who are reading this will already know, Blue Star have announced their intention to drop back down to the Northern League at the end of the season, citing the costs involved in travelling from the back of beyond to civilisation every other week. It still remains to be seen as to whether their decision to relegate themselves will be ratified by the FA, although it's almost certain the they'll give their blessings given the palaver it would cause if they said "you're staying where you are".

The Tynesiders currently reside in 11th position, three places and nine points above us. We've also faced them twice already at Seel Park this season, picking up a win and a draw. Hopefully we won't complete the set by coming away with a defeat.

Of course that all depends on the game actually going ahead. Last week Blue Star's game with Curzon was abandoned when part of a stand took flight in high winds. Similarly inclement weather is predicted for tomorrow so those few Mossley fans making the trip up may get to see that rarest of sightings - a football match in Geordie land where one of the home supporters doesn't take their shirt off at any point during the ninety minutes.

Prediction: As I'm not going this is a cast iron win for the Lilywhites.

Chip Wrappers: 27-03-2008

From the back page of this weeks Reporter (27-03-2008):


Number of quotes in the article about Gerry Quinn being 'under fire': 0
Number of other things in the piece to back up the 'under fire' headline: 0

And I'm sure that you don't need me to point out the other error in the heading either.

As we all know Mossley's attendances are currently, how shall I put it, getting perilously close to being double Woodley's. There are various thoughts bouncing around as to how to get those numbers up again such as advertising, ground improvements and even winning matches. One thing that hasn't been considered though is running an event along side the match, such as the one being undertaken in Oldham this coming weekend. From tonights Oldham Chronicle (27-03-2008):

Sex health check at Boundary Park

SPORTING stars are helping tackle sexual health problems in Oldham.

Football and rugby players are throwing their weight behind a new sexual health campaign taking place at this weekend’s fixtures.

It will see players and their supporters aged between 16 and 24 invited to have a sexual health check-up.

The innovative campaign is part of the RU Clear? chlamydia screening programme, which encourages under-25s to be tested for the sexually transmitted infection.

How embarrassing is that? Going to watch Oldham Athletic.

Only now there's the added attraction of possibly getting an appointment at the clap clinic before you take your seat. Obviously they'll have to put some sort of disposable cover over it first.

And how many times do you think someone will ask what numbered shirt their new French signing Chlamydia is wearing?

Still, it will be fun spotting which players didn't get the "all clear." I'm guessing that they'll be ones celebrating any goals they may score by themselves.

Mossley 1 - 3 Rossendale United

It may be spring but the bleak midwinter continues unabated for the Lilywhites.

After their crucifixion at Bradford on Good Friday, Mossley proved that the second part of the Easter story – resurrection – was beyond them by falling to an almost as heavy defeat at home to Rossendale United.

That the game was able to go ahead was due in no small part to the tireless dedication of a group of supporters who’d spent the hours in the lead up to the kick-off clearing a thick layer of snow off the Seel Park playing surface. Indeed, a hearty round of applause and a cyber slap on the back goes to those who volunteered for the near back breaking task of getting the pitch ready. As to whether or not they believed their efforts had been worth it by 4:45pm is only something they themselves will be able to answer.


From the first whistle onwards the match had a definite end of season air to it, albeit a month or so too early, with neither side ever looking like troubling the score line. Given the heavy nature of the pitch this was perhaps to be expected but it was still poor fare for the supporters watching from the terraces. Some of whom were giving serious consideration to shovelling snow back on to the pitch at the interval in order to get it abandoned. And that’s how it remained until the one incident of note in an otherwise forgettable half handed Mossley the lead.

Danny Ryan receives the injury that caused him to sit out five minutes of the match as he received treatment. Of course, no foul was given as no contact obviously took place...

In the 37th minute a left wing cross by Danny Ryan turned in to a shot in mid-flight and hit the angle of post and crossbar. In the race for the loose ball as it bounced back off the framework, former Mossley keeper Lee Bracey lost out to David Boardman by a fraction of a second and as a consequence sent the home sides forward tumbling to the ground. The referee had no option other than to award the Lilywhites a penalty which Lee Connor duly, and coolly, converted.

With eight minutes of the first half remaining, ex-Lilywhite Lee Bracey chooses to light up the decidedly dull proceedings with a bout of slapstick:


The start of the second period saw a marginal improvement in the entertainment stakes with both teams flashing shots wide of the uprights and Gareth Hamlet drawing a save out of Bracey. After that initial flurry of ‘excitement’ though the game reverted to how it had been for the majority of the first forty five minutes and Mossley looked to be heading for a dull but most welcome victory.


At least they were until the 71st minute when Dean Johnson surrendered possession cheaply on the halfway line and set in motion a Rossendale move that ended with substitute Lloyd stabbing the ball home from close range. And five minutes later the game was turned completely on its head when Eastwood took full advantage of being left unmarked in the box to fire the Stags in front.


Having gone from looking the odds on winners to likely losers, Mossley began to throw more players into attack in an effort to salvage the game, and four minutes from time it was another substitute, Edgington, who exploited the lack of numbers in the Lilywhites defence to run half the length of the pitch and add a third goal to his teams total. And had it not been for an astonishingly poor miss in injury time by one of Rossendale’s goal scorers, Mossley would have been on the receiving end of their second 4 – 1 reversal in the space of four days.

Edgington gives Rossendale an unassailable lead...

... and leaves Ashley Connor wondering where the defensive cover has disappeared to.

With Mossley having taken just five points from the last possible forty two and with relegation looking increasingly unlikely, the end of the season (and the chance to start building for the next) can’t come soon enough for the Lilywhites.


If when reading this you’ve ‘marvelled’ at the increase in photographic content (if not in quality) it’s because it’s a desperate attempt to make the piece look bigger than it actually is.
The reason as to why it ‘s so brief is because I really can’t be fussed to extend it; especially as the majority of conclusions to be taken from the game (the ones that I’d normally fill the report out with) are exactly the same as the ones for the last home game against Wakefield.


Although you can add to that the fact that the pitch had a greater influence on proceedings and that Rossendale’s introduction of fresh legs to the match in the second half did go some way to tipping the balance in their favour (though if it hadn’t been for Mossley gifting them the ball and space on numerous occasions their impact would have been negligible). Other than that though everything is pretty much as it was ten days ago.


So instead of wittering on and repeating myself, you can finish reading this earlier than you would have otherwise expected and go and do something a lot more interesting instead.

Don't Worry! It's Coming...

Due to numerous problems (most of them involving the video of Mossley's goal) the report for yesterday's game with Rossendale will be online some time tomorrow.

I'm sure that you can wait. I mean, it wasn't a game you particularly want to relive in a hurry, was it?

Bradford (P.A.) 4 - 1 Mossley

What an interesting night last Friday turned out to be.

And now that I've finally managed to thaw out, I can tell you about it.

Howling winds, sub-zero temperatures, near decapitation by a garden bin lid that had blown over the Horsfall Stadium's perimeter fence, snow, heavy snow and then a blizzard. All before the piece de resistance: being held up on the motorway for fifteen minutes at Hartshead services by a trailer that had shed its load of (and I kid you not) hot tubs over two lanes.

Oh yes, and in the middle of it all was a practice match for Bradford Park Avenue in front of the smallest 400+ crowd you've ever seen.

Not the greatest photo in the world (certainly not as good as this one by Smiffy) but it does give you a small indication of what the weather was like as the game neared its end

Good Friday turned out to be anything but for Mossley as their latest trip to Bradford ended like their first at the beginning of the month - with a three goal margin of defeat. And not for the first time this season I find myself having to write that it could have been a whole lot worse.

Getting any kind of positive result against promotion chasing Avenue was always going to be a tough task for Mossley but it was one made all the more difficult in the 15th minute when Michael Fish was shown a straight red card for an extremely rash challenge near the halfway line.

It was definitely a case of from 'hero to villain' for the Mossley number seven as he had given his side a shock lead in the fourth minute of the match. Despite the chilling, gale force winds blowing across the pitch, Danny Ryan delivered a perfectly weighted free-kick from the left into the Bradford box that Fish stooped to head home past a surprisingly static goalkeeper.

Michael Fish puts Mossley in front and gives the small band of travelling supporters two minutes worth of bragging rights over their hosts:


The advantage was to last barely two minutes though before Tristram Whitman drew the hosts level and from that point it was the home side that controlled the remainder of the game. Especially after the visitors had had their numbers reduced.

Ashley Connor produced a series of fine saves to keep the Lilywhites in the match, including one tremendous point blank stop to deny Gedman, but just when it looked like the visitors might make it to half-time without conceding another goal Bradford put themselves in front. And once again it Whitman that did the damage.

Picking up Gedman's intelligent flick on, the Bradford forward evaded the challenge of Mossley's last man Leon Henry and from the corner of the box he looped the ball over Connor and into the net.

The visitors feint to near non-existent hopes of rescuing the game were extinguished immediately after the interval. After failing three times to deal with a corner, Gedman bundled the ball over the line and when Williams added a fourth in the 67th minute from a free-kick, the only question remaining was not if Bradford would win but by how many.

A first for Mossley80 – video of an opponents goal. Normally I wouldn't upload it but because its a) a good one and b) I have little else to break up the text with, here it is:


Thankfully for Mossley one of the few bright spots for the Lancashire side on a dismal evening was that Bradford's fourth turned out to be their last, though they did go close numerous times to making the score line a more embarrassing one. And when the few flakes of snow that were falling at the start of the second period turned into a blizzard with ten minutes of the match left, the tie was effectively over as a game of football.

The phrase 'practice match' that I used somewhere near the beginning is probably a bit unfair but despite going ahead very early on, Mossley never really looked like they'd take anything from the game. The sending off didn't help us one bit (and it was a sending off) but its hard to argue that the scoreline would have been any different had Fish not received his marching orders. Even in the time between us going ahead and the red card it was one way traffic.

One thing for certain is that there wasn't the 'galvanising effect' that you often see with teams that have a player dismissed while playing us – where it somehow becomes harder to beat 10 men than 11. There were some good performances, some not so good and some looked lost ploughing a lone furrow with little support.

Unless you can keep the opposition out you need to score goals to win points and finding the back of the net is something Mossley rarely looked like doing. Once again the 'ten men' caveat can be used but if it wasn't for a very long range effort in the second half by Danny Ryan that bounced into the Bradford keeper's hands, Mossley's shots to goals ratio would have been 1:1.

The end result for Mossley is not only another defeat (their twentieth in the league in this campaign) but the fourteenth in which they've lost by conceding three or more goals.


With a final position in mid-table now looking somewhat ambitious, it's important that Mossley start to string a sequence of positive results together if they're not to end the season on the dampest of squibs.

And if Jesus could rise from the dead in three days, I'm sure that Mossley can manage it in four in order to get back to winning (or even drawing) ways Rossendale at Seel Park on Bank Holiday Monday.

So This Is Easter...

A two game weekend means that to save time, it's a double header preview: long on waffle, short on facts.

The first game is this Friday against the new Colne Dynamos, Bradford (Park Avenue), at the ridiculous time of 7:45pm.

The Yorkshire side got their slowly derailing title challenge back on track with a victory over us on our first visit to the Horsfall Stadium at the start of the month. And with Curzon and Skelmersdale now trying their hardest to slip firmly into a play-off spot, Bradford now find themselves back in with a shout of achieving the goal they're paying a fortune to hit.

I didn't pick Colne Dynamos because of just the money aspect though. As you may recall the Lancashire club imploded spectacularly when the clubs benefactor saw his dreams of glory thwarted by the realities of non-league football and you get the feeling that Bradford are another ticking bomb.

There have been all sorts of shenanigans since we played them in the aftermath of their sacking of Benny Phillips. In the intervening period they've appointed not one but two managers. The first lasted the few hours it took them to find out that he was under contract elsewhere (something Bradford could have avoided if they'd actually told the club he was contracted to that they intended to appoint him), after which they appointed David Cameron. Yes, I know but any gag I could come up with would be just too obvious.

The illegal approach made for Alfreton's manager was dismissed with a "So what" on the clubs forum and it's the kind of attitude that makes you think that not only are Bradford not going to make many friends, but should they hit a cul-de-sac on the pitch there's a risk that it will explode into a shower of bitter recriminations and a never ending repetition of the phrase "I told you so".

The supporters who are already urging caution about grandiose plans such as a 20,000 seater stadium and league football are being met with low level abuse on the club's forum, but these will be the ones left to pick up the pieces, should any be left, if it all goes up a certain creek without an implement to direct yourself with..

Three days later on Bank Holiday Monday Rossendale United make the relatively short trip to Seel Park.

It seems like an age has passed since we met them earlier in the season at Dark Lane, a meeting in which Mossley picked up their second win of the season; Martin Allison and Paul Quinn scoring our goals in a 2 - 1 result.

Turning out for the Stags now is ex-Lilywhite Sergio Mario Daniel who has already caused us plenty of damage this season, being a major thorn in our side during that unholy trinity of games we had with Woodley Sports back in August.

At the moment Rossendale sit four places and seventh points above us in tenth, though their recent form hasn't been too different to ours

Prediction: Call me crazy but I think we'll get six points of six! How's that for positivity/blind optimism?

An Unwanted Hat-trick

What better to way to spend a night when the temperatures are near zero than to stand outside on an exposed piece of land and pay £6 for the trouble of doing so?

Desperate for a game of football I, and a few other like minded Mossley fans, made our way to the Tameside Stadium in the hope of seeing an entertaining game between the blue half of Ashton and Harrogate Railway. And we got 50% of what we wanted - a game.


There's no question that Curzon deserved their win but they currently look a shadow of the side that was conquering all before them earlier in the season. The absence of Michael Norton may well have contributed to last night's stuttering performance and, in doing so, strengthened the beliefs of those who feel that they're almost a one man team. Whole I don't subscribe to that point of view you can't help but notice the huge hole that's left in the team when he's not playing.

Harrogate were not unlike us (Mossley) in that everything fell apart in the final third of the pitch, and barring one shot from distance the Curzon keeper had one of those 'easy money' nights.

Like I said though Curzon won, with a solitary second half goal, which is good news for Mossley as it stops Railway from putting further distance between themselves and us. If only they could have done it in a more entertaining manner.

Yes, it was another boreathon and the third in the space of seven days for a small group of Mossley supporters after the Stalybridge match last Tuesday and the one at the weekend - a very unwanted hat-trick.. How boring? Well a considerable amount of time during the first half was spent discussing the Wakefield match (naturally), the food outlets on Ashton Moss, Spain, Lord Byron, renaissance art and why no-one appears to sit at one end of Curzon's main stand, to name but a small selection of the topics touched upon.

Why does nobody ever seem to sit in the far right block of the main stand?

In fact the best part of the night was the choice of music being played over the P.A. system before the match and at half-time. Having obviously put a 'one-hit wonders' CD in the machine, the crowd was treated to rarely heard delights such as Dee-Lite, Nena, Toni Basil, Chesney Hawkes, Charles & Eddy and Toto Coelo. Yes, I can honestly say that you haven't watched non-league football until you've seen a team go through their pre-match warm-up routine with puzzled looks on their faces as "I eat cannibals" blares out around the ground.

And while I'm on the subject, if anybody from Curzon is reading this please turn down the volume of your speaker system.

It's that loud (painfully so at times) that even if you shout at the top of your voice, you can't hold a conversation with the person stood next to you. Stood opposite the tunnel you can actually feel the vibrations of the sound as it echos off the back of the stand. It's genuinely unpleasant.

All said and done though, the evening's venture was still better than sitting in a near vegetative state at home watching mind-numbing Monday night television. Just...

Mossley 0 - 2 Wakefield

So its not just Julius Caesar for whom the Ides of March turn out to be a seriously lousy day.

The fifteenth day of the third month has always been seen to be portentous and if old superstitions are true, the omens Mossley will take from this game aren't particularly good ones.

With eight games of the season left, and all but one against teams currently above them in the table, Mossley are going to have rediscover the form they showed against Chorley quickly or else more performances like this one will see them enter the race for the wooden spoon, or possibly worse if the league do decide to press ahead with relegation this summer.

There was a distinct case of 'after the lord mayor's show' about proceedings at Seel Park on Saturday as Mossley followed up their battling display against the Magpies, and one which saw them register their first victory of 2008, with the kind of showing that had seen them go the ten games prior to it without a win.


Much as they'd done in the meeting between the two sides a fortnight earlier at their Eastmoor Road ground, Wakefield claimed a victory against the Lilywhites with two second half goals. And unlike then when Mossley were somewhat unfortunate not to leave with at least one of the points on offer, this time round the Yorkshire side deserved their spoils, even if the goals that won it did have a stroke of fortune about them.

The first half was a monumentally dull affair - the epitome of a dour, midfield battle and but for two superb saves by Mossley keeper Ashley Connor, it wouldn't be worth mentioning at all. His first stopped Chris Hitchings from putting Wakefield ahead quarter of an hour into the game and his second, twenty minutes later, left Graham Marchant slack jawed in wonderment at how he'd managed to divert his attempt, that looked destined to drop into the net, over the bar.

The home sides efforts at drawing similar heroics out of Connor's opposite number, Andy Woods, amounted to nothing more than two half-chances from Michael Fish that were shepherded off for goal kicks and a header that bobbled into his arms following a corner.

A hooked shot from Michael Fish drops over the crossbar under the watchful eye of Woods; the closest Mossley came to scoring in the entire 90 minutes.

Compared to the second half though Woods was being positively overworked as the forty five minutes that followed the interval saw Mossley register one single shot on target; the closest they got being a diving header from Fish that was blocked before it went anywhere near the six yard box.

Unfortunately the visitors weren't having any such trouble at the other end of the pitch. With Mossley remaining firmly stuck in neutral, the extra gear Wakefield appeared to have found during the break saw them begin to ask more and more questions of their opponents. Despite their best attempts to break the deadlock though, it was to be two defensive errors that they'd capitalise on to win the game.


In the 54th minute Delroy Ferguson took advantage of Lee Connor's hesitancy in heading off a loose pass to break clear of the home defence and slot the ball under the Mossley captain's namesake to put Wakefield ahead.

Both his and his sides second goal came courtesy of a similar error half an hour later, only this time it was Paul Quinn who failed to make the crucial and relatively straight forward interception, once again allowing Ferguson all the time he needed to compose himself and pick his spot past Connor with the ball.

On one of the occasions Ashley Connor is actually beaten, the crossbar comes to the rescue.

The only positive for Mossley on the day was that the final scoreline wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been. And the fact that they weren't on the receiving end of a much heavier defeat is down to a combination of a string of saves produced by Ashley Connor that bettered the ones he made in the opening half, some errant finishing by the visitors and, on one notable occasion, the woodwork.

Overall this was a hugely disappointing showing from Mossley - from the sublime to the ridiculous in the space of a week. Other than a few notable exceptions, it's hard to believe that it was the same eleven that did so well in the last home match.


As Roy Walker used to repeat mantra-like on Catchphrase, "Say what you see," and what I saw was pretty crap. And in private, away from the terraces and the internet, I think that's what many of you will believe as well.

If you're able to make the result more palatable by believing that the only difference between the two sides were the two mistakes, then fair play to you. From a personal point of view I think being happy that we might have scraped a 0 - 0 draw at home to a mid-table side had it not been for two errors (the likes of which haven't exactly been rare occurrences this season), a spectacular display by our goalkeeper and some lax finishing from our opponents, is a desperately small straw to clutch at.

I've no doubt that some of you reading this will be tutting to yourself in the belief that I'm being overly harsh but is it really too much to ask that the opposing keeper at least gets his kit a bit dirty? That we not put in an end of season performance with eight games left and safety still not an absolute certainty?

With two tough games coming up over the Easter weekend that winning mentality is going to have to return pretty sharpish. Will the real Mossley please stand up?

Coming Shortly, In Short...

This Saturday Mossley get the chance to mete out some swift (well swift-ish) revenge as they take on Wakefield, a mere two weeks after they last faced them and lost to what was virtually the last kick of the game.

A lot has happened in the intervening fourteen days though, not least the fact that Mossley won their first game of 2008. While one win can hardly be construed as 'a roll', the victory over Chorley will certainly give the Lilywhites a bit of momentum as the season approaches its closing moments.

Four places and 12 points currently separate Mossley and their more highly positioned guests, but 6 of those points can be clawed back in the two home games we're yet to face our Yorkshire opponents in. That's a big but though as Wakefield are currently the form team away from home having taken 15 of the last 18 points possible on their travels. Indeed, if it wasn't for their performances at Eastmoor Road they'd almost certainly have been mounting a significant push for automatic promotion rather than hoping to catch a play-off spot.

Prediction: Two in a row - a win for the home side.

A Night At Blower Fold

Do you see what I did there by cleverly combining the name of Stalybridge Celtic's ground and the fact it was very windy? I'll readily admit that it isn't the greatest pun there's ever been but it's the only attempt at humour you're going to get in this little piece.

You see it's because I'm still bored: monumentally so after watching our aforementioned neighbours take on Alfreton Town in a Blue Square North game last night.

The 3 - 1 scoreline in the home sides favour might suggest that an exciting game took place but believe me when I tell you it didn't. What it was in fact was a one sided game were that one side didn't really have to do much. Bridge took the lead not long after kick-off through Steve Torpey after a mazy dribble took him through some spectacularly slack defending, and just before half-time they added second when Ashley Wynn hit a nice volley from just inside the Alfreton box.

The second half was similar with Torpey adding a supremely well taken third almost immediately after the restart (lobbing the town keeper from a good 45 yards out) while the visitors wrapped up the scoring with not much of the match left to play.

In between not a lot else happened. Alfreton looked like a side going through the motions, which is no real surprise considering their manager tried to walk out on them a couple of weeks ago to join Bradford Park Avenue, and Stalybridge's attempts at running up a cricket score were continually being hampered by a strike force performing that old music hall act of trying (and failing) to hit a cow's bum with a banjo.

Celtic even gave Alfreton a chance three quarters of the way through by replacing half of their forward line with someone who wasn't much better and sticking former Clitheroe full-back Simon Garner in the centre of what was their dominant midfield. I've actually never seen him play in central midfield before and, to be fair, I didn't seem him play there last night either. And unless his role was to keep giving the ball away I don't think anyone will see him play there again either.

I'm sure that if I was a Blues fan I'd have found the game to better than it actually was but as a neutral, it was a match that left you looking at your watch in the hope that it was finishing soon. Or at least it would have if it wasn't too cold to keep taking my gloves off and rolling up my sleeve.

So to boil things down:

Entrance fee - extortionate.
Match - mostly dull with the occasional highlight.
Stalybridge Celtic - OK.
Stalybridge Celtic midfield - very, very good.
Alfreton - poor.
Are you sure - yep, 'felt sorry for their small band of travelling supporters' poor.
Officials - contrary to the Celtic fan sitting in front of us in a continual state of apoplexy, they were good.
Steward clearing footballs off the roof of the stand in gale force winds during the interval - absolutely mad!

Mossley 4 - 2 Chorley

Halle-flipping-lujah-

Just when their win less run was beginning to resemble Tony Curtis's arm in 'The Vikings' after he gets his hand chopped off (in that it was getting longer every time you looked at it*), Mossley finally claimed their first three point haul of 2008 with a hard fought, but ultimately deserved, victory over a Chorley side that had beaten them rather too convincingly just a month earlier.

As has often been the case during that ten game win less streak that stretches back to the last week of December, Mossley began the brighter of two sides on display with Martin Allison, David Boardman and Danny Ryan all going close to putting the hosts ahead in the opening ten minutes.


The latter in particular was having an impressive start to his debut in a Lilywhites shirt and it was from one of the numerous crosses he fired in from the left wing that Mossley opened the scoring; Michael Fish diving full length to head the ball past Magpies keeper Peter Collinge in the 11th minute.

A flying Fish puts Mossley ahead:


It was lead that was to last barely a minute though before as Magpies drew level with their first shot real in anger of the game, and it was a former Mossley player that did the damage. Centre forward Steve Burke letting fly with a venomous shot from the edge of the box that took the slightest of deflections off Lee Connor before hitting the back of the net.

The midway point of the half saw David Boardman restore Mossley's lead with a smart turn and shot from the edge of the box after a quickly taken throw-in appeared to catch Chorley's defence half-asleep.

All three goals scored up to this point had been pretty impressive but they were surpassed on the stroke of half-time. From a full 30 yards out, Martin Allison struck an inch perfect free-kick that not only had Collinge flying across his goal line in a forlorn attempt to stop it from dropping into the net, but gave Mossley a two goal cushion that they richly deserved going in to the interval.

Its behind you! Peter Collinge fails to stop Martin Allison's free-kick.

And thanks to the wonders of relatively modern technology, you can now relive Allison's long, long range strike. It's also worth watching for a marvellous piece of commentary around the 22 second mark. At least it is if bad language doesn't offend:


While the weather hadn't exactly been 'clement' in the opening half of the game, it was certainly preferable to the conditions both sides found themselves playing in at the start of the second period. The strong wind that had been blowing across Seel Park was now joined by torrential rain and as water swept across the rapidly deteriorating surface, both sides, unsurprisingly struggled to produce anything other than the occasional half chance.

A small taster for those who weren't there of what the 'drizzle' was like in the second half.

That remained the case until the 70th minute when, with the deluge beginning to ease off (if only slightly), Mark Drew halved Chorley's deficit with a 25 yard free-kick; practically his first touch since coming on as a substitute.

After having been in control for so long Mossley began to wobble slightly as the Magpies started to throw more men into attack in search of an equaliser. Ashley Connor was called on to make a superb point blank stop from Burke and the Chorley striker had his embarrassment spared by an offside flag after poking the ball wide of a virtually open goal.

Two minutes from time the outcome of the game was put beyond any shadow of doubt when Martin Allison stroked home his second and Mossley's fourth goal of the afternoon from the penalty spot. The kick awarded after man-of-the-match David Boardman had been felled by Collinge as he attempted to take the ball around him.

David Boardman is brought to the deck by Collinge for Mossley's penalty...

Which Martin Allison calmly puts away.

Or, alternatively, you can watch both in real time here:


Well, what can you say when "well played" and “well done” isn't enough?

This was a stirring performance from the men in white (and dirty grey and brown by the end of the match) shirts and a world away from the one witnessed by the 'unlucky few' against Bridlington four days earlier.

Not only did heads not go down after Chorley had pulled the game back immediately after we'd scored but we continued to battle and battle hard without picking up silly bookings.


Of course, we weren't playing a top of the table side but Chorley are certainly no mugs under their new manager Tony Hesketh and anybody who plays them is certainly going to have to work hard for the points. Which is precisely what Mossley did. In fact both teams deserve plenty of credit for producing a game that never failed to hold the attention, especially given the atrocious conditions the match was played under.

It might have been a victory that was long time in coming but with more performances like this one, it certainly won't be another eleven games before Mossley are celebrating claiming another three points again.

* Despite it being a very good film, it is worth watching just to see Tony Curtis's characters stump grow bigger the longer the film goes on. In the climactic fight scene his handless arm is almost half as long as the one with fingers on the end.

There's A Chorley Preview Hidden In This

As Monty Python bores will tell you between Nudge-Nudge Winks-Winks, Ni's and choir invisible's, “No-one expects the Spanish Inquisition”. Especially when you're phoning a call centre in Newcastle.

At least that is what it was like when I phoned up Orange in an attempt to get them to send me my broadband migration code. Virtually every sentence from the opposite end of the phone began with why.: Why this? Why that? Why when? Why where? Why?

It got to a situation that was not unlike that famous moment on Newsnight when Jeremy Paxman kept asking Michael Howard the same question about a prison governor. But instead of “Did you threaten to over rule him?” it was me continually repeating the mantra “Could I have a MAC code please?” with increasing weariness.

After finally being called crazy for not accepting the “fantastic deal” being offered to keep me as a customer, I was curtly told that my code would arrive by e-mail within the next few days*.

By this point you're probably asking yourselves what any of that has to do with the price of fish, so I'll tell you. The time I've spent doing the above (and listening Amy Winehouse singing 'Valerie' while being transferred to various departments in two different parts of the globe) is the time I normally write the match preview, and that's why it's going to be shorter than usual.

“But couldn't you have spent the time writing the opening five paragraphs (and this one) doing the preview instead?” Well, yes I could have but... but ... ... oh flip!

The Magpies arrive at Seel Park with Mossley at their lowest ebb of the season: 10 games (almost a third of our current league season) without a win and coming off the back of a spanking at home to the team second from bottom of the league.

In fact it's the kind of situation Chorley themselves were in when we made the journey to Victory Park a little over a month ago. Not only were they struggling for points, they went into that game a mere three days after being whupped 7 – 0 and, in the same time frame, had sacked their management team and appointed a new one. The result of which was a rather convincing 3 – 1 victory, despite Mossley having taken an early lead.

The thorn in Mossley's side that day (or to be more precise, night) was ex-Lilywhite Steve Burke who scored two of Chorley's goals and could, and probably should, have had a few more.

Since that meeting Chorley have managed to put a bit more distance between themselves and the foot of the table (they're unbeaten in the last five league outings) and now sit two points and a place below us in 14th spot.

Now I'm off to try something far easier than getting my MAC code off Orange like extracting blood from a stone or managing to sit through an episode of Most Haunted Live without shouting “charlatan”, “gullible idiots” or “why the hell am I watching this crap?” at the screen.

Prediction: I have a strong gut feeling about this one - a win for Mossley.

* Credit where credit is due though, I've received my code just a couple of hours after requesting it.

Mossley 2 - 5 Bridlington Town

Apologies for the late arrival of this match report but I've been out getting a T-shirt printed bearing the slogan - 'I stayed until the end of the Mossley – Bridlington match and I wasn't even playing!' because there weren't many of us that did.

Yes, just when it looked like things were clicking into place once again following the week end showing at Wakefield, Mossley's season took another disastrous turn for the worse.

Well at least it did if you're just going off the scoreline.

On the face of it there's no denying that a 5 - 2 defeat at home, to the team currently second from bottom of the division, is an embarrassing one. Especially when you're trailing by four goals at the interval.

The full picture however is not entirely one of doom and gloom as the Mossley performance in this game was light years ahead of those witnessed in the similarly heavy defeats against Lancaster and Skelmersdale, and even some of the more recent ones where we've lost by the odd goal such as Harrogate. Not that that really makes the result any less of a bitter pill to swallow or hide the fact that the warning signs are flashing.


The match almost got off to the perfect start for the Lilywhites when, with just twenty seconds having elapsed, Adam Morning bounced a shot off the right hand upright. A little over three minutes then went past before the same post was hit again, this time by Gareth Hamlet following a goalmouth scramble. Unfortunately for the Lilywhites though these efforts sandwiched Bridlington's second minute opener - a stunning strike by Gowens from the right wing that left Ashley Connor rooted to the spot as it arced around him and into the net.

Despite being a goal behind Mossley looked the better team but with no-one able to direct any of the numerous chances that presented themselves towards the target, Bridlington's keeper Hill remained relatively untroubled with only a close range effort from Darren Royle causing him any kind of consternation

That said he was still seeing more of the ball than his opposite number at the other end of the pitch so it came as something of a surprise when Town doubled their advantage in the 22nd minute. The first goal was good but the second was even better. Receiving the ball a good 35 yards away from goal, Fleming hit a thunderous drive that evaded Connor's vertical leap before dipping under the crossbar and hitting the back of the net.

Lee Blackshaw races past his marker in a photo that for some reason gives me a headache if I look at it for too long.

If the first two goals were 'wonder strikes' that little could be done about, the same can't be said for the next two. Mossley's failure to adequately clear their defensive lines following a throw-in led to McGarry adding a third for Bridlington on the half hour mark, and on the stroke of half-time the same player was given the time and space to make it four with a low shot from the edge of the penalty area.

Mossley finally managed to get on the score sheet in the 53rd minute whren Martin Allison's attempt to charge down a clearance was rewarded after the ball ricocheted off him and into the net. And when the same player pulled another goal back from the penalty spot seven minutes later, it suddenly looked as though Mossley were about to fashion a remarkable comeback.

Martin Allison (partially hidden by Darren Royle) bundles Mossley's first over the line.

Or if you so wish, you can choose to watch Martin Allison bundle Mossley's first over the line (I would like to warn you though that there is some swearing in these clips. I've managed to mute some of them but not all. So if you're at work, live with a Puritan or think Holby City is the best thing on television then I suggest that you turn the sound down.):



And see Mossley not only awarded but score their penalty:



That optimism lasted for less than two minutes. Taking advantage of a huge gap that opened up in the home defence, Gowens made his way towards the edge of the box unchecked before slotting the ball past Connor for Town's fifth goal of the night.

To Mossley's credit though they refused to lie down and die. Right up to the final whistle they continued to enjoy plenty of possession and created a host of chances, but just as in the first half (and many games prior to this one) the lack of any kind of accuracy meant that the deficit in the score remained at three.


At a push (and it's a big push I'll admit) you could say that we were a trifle unlucky. We could play Bridlington every day from now until Armageddon and I doubt they'd ever score two more like the first couple of goals in this game, or indeed find the net with all five of their first half shots (one was disallowed).

People with their feet grounded in reality though will say that you make your own luck in football. So until Mossley start to get more than the odd shot on target per game and stop giving away soft goals, we'll continue to make our opponents luck for them.

To be honest the most disturbing thing about the night was not the result but pitifully low attendance. I appreciate that some people have more pressing concerns to attend to and that others with no access to the internet were unaware that a match was taking place but over a hundred of them?

Then again maybe last night was as bad as it seemed and I'm simply in a state of denial but one thing is for sure, the upcoming Chorley match is now bigger than a huge thing that's standing on stilts and wearing a large hat.

Attempt Number Three

This is the rearranged game of the rearranged game of the match that should have been played in early December. At least I think it is...

To be perfectly honest, I can’t work up the enthusiasm to do a fourth preview for a home game with Bridlington, especially as much of what was written for that last scheduled meeting is still applicable. So if you’re interested (and the site statistics say you're probably not) click here.

I’m now going to use the time I would have spent writing it wondering why, of the two video clips I posted of the Wakefield game, the viewership of the 'near misses' is more than triple that of the goal we scored.

Nevertheless, a big thank you to everyone who has taken the trouble to watch them!

Prediction: After Saturday’s much improved performance against Wakefield, it’s going to be a win for the Lilywhites. Well it will be if we remember our shooting boots...

Wakefield 2 - 1 Mossley

Football can be a cruel game at times as Mossley found out to their cost at Wakefield's windswept College Grove ground.

The White Rose county hasn't been a particularly happy hunting ground for the Lilywhites on their travels this season: a solitary draw being their best result in six games on Yorkshire soil. And it's a statistic that failed to improve after their latest trip across the Pennines.

Not that it wasn't for the want of trying as Mossley produced some of their best attacking football for months but the long standing problem of failing to make their dominance count was to once again prove costly.


Still searching for their first win of 2008, Mossley lined up with an attacking 4-3-3 formation (or if you want to look at it with a more conservative eye, a 4-5-1) but the biggest surprise was the inclusion of Adam Morning - the former Manchester City youngster making a return to the club after leaving in the summer of 2006.

As has been often the case in their current win less run, the Lilywhites exerted an enormous amount of pressure on their opponents in the opening stages of the game but with little in the way of shots on goal to show for it. However, after Lee Blackshaw and Wakefield's Jay Sobers had traded long range shots that gave both keepers cause for concern, it was the formers side that upped the ante.

Ashley Connor deals with a rare moment of worry in the first half.

Chances soon turned from a trickle to a stream as Blackshaw and Adam Morning, both players continually swapping wings, began to torment and open up a home defence that soon discovered the best way to stop them was to foul them. Well it was on the occasions that they weren't left sitting on their backsides wondering how a tangerine blur had tied their legs in a knot. However, Andy Woods in the Wakefield goal was proving to be more than a match for anything that Mossley could throw at him.

At least he was until the 33rd minute when he was left flapping at the Yorkshire air as Morning's in swinging corner sailed over both his hands and the goal line to give the visitors the lead. For the remainder of the half Mossley continued to press forward in an attempt to not only double their advantage, but give the score line a more accurate reflection of the balance of play. Unfortunately though that second goal was to remain elusive

Despite the best efforts of ex-Lilywhite Will Ryder, Adam Morning's corner crosses the line.

Or...

You can watch it 'as it happened' below as Mossley80 finally embraces the multimedia age by putting match footage on YouTube:


As football clichés go, 'a game of two halves' is a particularly hackneyed one but one that sums up this match perfectly. If the first period belonged to Mossley, the second most definitely belonged to their hosts.

Two minutes after the restart Sobers outlined his sides intentions by evading a series of challenges before unleashing a thunderous shot that cannoned back off the goal frame. Mossley's response was their two best (and only) opportunities of the second period and both came within a split second of each other; Lee Blackshaw having an effort headed off the line and Dean Johnson half-volleying the clearance narrowly wide of the right hand upright. Other than that the Lilywhites had little else to show for the amount of possession they held around the box.

Yes! Another video! This time its those two near misses in the second half:


The longer the half wore on the more Wakefield's better levels of fitness began to tell and after playing second fiddle for a little under an hour, the home midfield began to control the game, Sobers in particular playing a huge role in proceedings; instigating the majority of the home sides attacks and having a role in both of his sides goals. The first coming in the 65th minute when Chris Howarth looped a left wing cross over Ashley Connor from close range.


Wakefield proceeded to squander a succession of chances through a mixture of their own ineptness at finishing and some good Mossley defending, it looked as though the Lilywhites had done enough to earn themselves their first point on their travels for three months. Especially when substitute Ferguson fired tamely wide from a very good position in the 90th minute. Unfortunately it wasn't to be the last chance.

Deep into injury time and with the full-time whistle only seconds away, the Lilywhites conceded a soft free-kick midway in their own half. Sobers fired the dead ball towards the back post where centre half Wes Milnes directed it past Ashley Connor to give the home side victory with virtually the last touch of the game.

Wakefield's last touch of the match heads towards the net.

If you were to look at the game from a negative point of view, the failure to create more than a handful of good goalscoring opportunities that made the opposing keeper stretch himself a bit is a problem that refuses to go away.

However, it's from a positive perspective that I choose to reflect on this game (not bad for a long time pessimist, eh?). Every player in a Mossley shirt gave their all and there was enough evidence to suggest that there's a corner ahead which we're going to turn soon. In fact for the first time in 2008 I came away from a game feeling incredibly optimistic.

And should an enormous financial windfall ever befall me, I promise to build a hockey pitch by the side of Seel Park. Not only is it a good game to watch (it's football but with sticks) but there's money to be had from charging Mossley's dirty mac brigade a small fee to watch it!

At the end of the day, whilst it's hard not to feel despondent at such a late, late defeat, I think everyone can take a lot of heart from this performance, the Lilywhites best for some considerable time. Now we've got to see if we can repeat it against Bridlington and Chorley in what is going to be an important week in Mossley's season.