Mossley 0 - 2 Durham City

At some point over the course of the next few weeks Chester FC manager Neil Young, sat in his office with a mug containing his hot beverage of choice on the desk in front of him, will turn his attentions to the upcoming game against Mossley.

He’ll find the report sent to him by the club scout who was dispatched to watch the Lilywhites match with Durham and read what it has to say. After he’s finished it he’ll read it again. And again for a third time before reaching for the phone and contacting the scout, at which point the following conversation will take place*:

“Mr Scout. Hello,” says Mr Young. After his salutation is acknowledged by his spy-in-chief, the current incumbent of The Blues’ managerial office swivel chair will continue, “I’ve just been reading the scouting report you’ve sent in regards to Mossley and I was wondering whether it was accurate or not.”

“It is,” comes the reply. “Why do you ask?”

“Well it says that we only need to send five players and that the other members of the squad can be given the weekend off as rest. That’s not right, surely?”

“It’s what I wrote and what I believe. The way Mossley are playing - the lack of any threat upfront, a disorganised midfield, a defence that comes nowhere near close to living up to that particular soubriquet and the absence of any kind of game plan other than to hope that the opposition gets bored and falls asleep at the monotonous use of the long ball or lone charge up the centre of the pitch – five players are all we need to beat them.”

“Don’t you think we should be a little less gung-ho though?. What would you advise if I wanted to show a more cautious approach?” enquires Mr Young.

“Make one of the five a goalkeeper.”

* I do of course use “will take place” in the no-it-won’t-as-it’s-completely-made-up sense of the phrase.